I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
