sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
