Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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