I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
