Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
