I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
