Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
