Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
