Me too!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
