I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
