Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
