butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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