Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
