Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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