I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so let's talk penis.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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