Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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