i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
