i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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