I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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