Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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