I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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