so that wasnt chicken after all
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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