Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
