You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
