So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
