Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My bed smells like the plague
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
