you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
