Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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