My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
