I CAN MOONWALK!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
