Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
