he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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