Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
