bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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