OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
