ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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