dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
