I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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