I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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