so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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