Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the jesus of drinking
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
