i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
