I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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