I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
