I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
