He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
