Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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