the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
that is very illegal...i love you.
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