you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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