We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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