he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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