Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
