you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
