brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
