you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
