M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
